After a long run last week I knew something was wrong. I was in a lot of pain and then... well, let's just say there was bleeding. I couldn't get to the doctor until the afternoon and while they contemplated admitting me, I was told I was not to run or do any rigorous activity until I was cleared.
This was a wild blow. I really had to wrap my mind around it and to realize this meant NO 5K... a really hard pill to swallow.
I was told by the GI doctor that I could run earlier this week, but to be aware that the bleeding could come back. And that more testing would have to be done. I tried to run that day, but I could not go as far as I had been.
It was an enormous stumbling block. If I have learned anything, it is that running is a very mental sport. You really have to focus on getting past the voice in your head whispering snidely, "Why the heck are you doing this?" You have to be able to tune that all out and focus on the positives or even just zoning out all together and daydream that you are somewhere else - doing something else. So when I was running I kept thinking: about all the things that could go wrong, wondering if it really was worth the health risk, yada yada yada.
Basically I was running my mind not my body. I was constantly gauging, checking for any twinge of pain, any sign that something could happen, that something was wrong, and that was it. I made it 22 minutes... not the 28 I wanted to it. And it kicked my rear BAD.
|The meme you are momentarily going to hear about *rolling eyes*|
Honestly, I don't think she knew what Paleo was. It sounded to me like she was talking about Atkins.
I also learned that all my numbers are good. That I really only have two things to watch for and I am NOT pre-diabetic. But, boy, it was hard to focus on the "NOT" part.
Yesterday, it all kind of accumulated into a bit of an explosive moment. Tony was saying something about what he had read in a running magazine and that maybe we were eating too much protein while some sweet kid was throwing this huge Mickey Mouse toy in my face. He was honestly just playing with his brother who was sitting next to me but there were elbows flying at my face and and black and white Mickey Mouse bits zooming in and out of my vision.
I had a little moment of "ENOUGH." Everyone looked at me like I was pathetic, sad, and mean. It was suggested that perhaps I should go for a short run.
I got on the treadmill and ran a mile. Only a mile and, yes, it nearly killed me. My knees are hurting today and, you know something? I am genuinely mad about it. I am tired of trying to do everything right. There are too many opinions out there about what is healthy and what isn't. I am tired of everyone telling me I am sick. I am tired of trying to figure out if I am eating everything wrong and wondering if it is enough that I am doing the very best I can with what I have been given.
You probably see where I am going with all this. Being healthy is not easy. If it were everyone would be. No one would be eating ding dongs and ho-hos. We would all be buying out every baby carrot in a 50 mile radius. You have to do the best with what you have been given. The nutritionist at the clinic told us not to be bullied by our food choices (while she had the meme above on the slide show making fun of Paleo, but I will be the bigger person here... I will not speak... I will not speak...).
You see, healthy for one person is not always healthy for someone else. You have to find what works for you but to be careful and research, too. Loosing weight is not always the goal. There are lots of ways to loose weight and only a few healthy ways to loose weight.
I have had to step down my game a bit. A break from running and weight lifting. I am thinking it is a good time of year for riding my bike, leisurely through the early morning sunshine. I need to be a little more Paleo and a little less about the next gimmick to make me loose weight faster. I need to do what makes me feel healthy.
That is what we all need to do.